Author: awquest@hotmail.com

Unveiling The Secrets – How To Be Successful In Life 

Regardless of how old or young you are, what you do for a living or where you belong, everyone shares something in common, i.e. they want to be successful in life. But every person’s definition of being successful is different. While some may call success having a faithful spouse or being a responsible parent, others equate it with fame, power, and wealth.  

Before heading forward, define success and what it means to you. You cannot be successful if you don’t know what it means to you. Make your goals clear and try to be as realistic as possible.  

Plan ahead and plan big  
The next step in the journey toward success is to decide what you want to achieve in life and plan big for yourself. Never underestimate your worth or skills and plan accordingly.  

Learn how to balance life
After careful and wise planning, balance your life –  professional, financial, personal – very logically and practically.  

Find the purpose or goal of your life 
Know what affects you, the things you simply love to do, and what provides you utter satisfaction. As you identify what you like, you can use it to find the main goal of your life. Knowing what you love will bring you motivation along the course of your journey toward attaining success.  

Stay away from distractions  
Distractions can be the spice or forbidden fruit in your life, depending upon how you handle them, so be clear and focused on your goals. Distractions will surely be there but don’t allow them to affect you. When you see that your goals take a backseat because of such distractions, banish them once and for all. ` 

Accept things as they come 
You need to accept the fact that life can be very unfair. You can complain about it and wish it to be different or you can take a step forward to go out there and do something about it. Stop wasting your time and use situations for your own benefit. If Newton had complained about an apple falling and hitting him on his head, rather than putting a different spin on the situation, he would have never discovered the law of gravity.  

Say goodbye to all your fears  
Remove fear from your thinking and stay focused on positive things in life. When you fail, don’t be fearful, be positive and start again.  

Change The Mindset

Changing a mindset. It is not something to be taken lightly. It is something that we choose to do. And that’s the key. The key is we must choose to want to do something. I call it the “want to”. So often we talk to ourselves, and we say “well, I would like to do this, or I would like to do that”.  But true change comes in the form of a “want to”.

So, change can only happen with a change of mindset and how does a mindset happen? The mindset is something that is developed over time. That time can be short, or it can be long. In many cases, it is called a habit and developing habits can be very difficult.

At the beginning of each year, establish what we call resolutions. In other words, you say, “I am going to make a resolution to lose 30 pounds. But resolutions as we all know typically only lasts about three months at best so really the challenge is to make that resolution a lifelong habit.  If you do this then your mindset changes then the mindset changes your life. So really the challenge is to figure out how to develop triggers to get that mindset to change. Triggers don’t have to be hard. They are really connections to habits you already have. For example, if you brush your teeth every morning, that’s a habit. How about you attach it trigger to that so every time you brush your teeth you do something immediately afterwards?

Well, life is a combination triggers and habits. Developing and creating these are important to the development of how we want to live our lives. Sometimes we have created habits that damage our body and soul and sometimes getting rid of these damaged habits can be very difficult to do. But that’s what must be done and so really, it’s a matter of flipping the switch and creating a new mindset that counters the habit that has been created.

What is a bad habit? Drinking too much can be a habit that we have. Certainly, many times we drink because we just enjoy it. We also drink because we’re in a social situation and everybody else is partaking and/or we have peer pressure. But whatever the reason, if you have the “want to” to reduce or stop drinking then you must create triggers and habits that supports this action. In other words, one of the actions that need is to stay out of situations where this occurs. The second thing is having a plan so when the feeling for a drink comes up, we have a trigger that discourages that action. Again, remember the mindset is what it’s going to determine the course of this habit development or not. Remember, we are trying to eliminate a habit that has already been developed. So, before the next time you are thinking about having a drink, have a trigger to utilize. The trigger might be every time you reach for or begin to order that alcoholic beverage, make it water or make it anything other than an alcoholic beverage and the trigger is the reaching for or the process of ordering. If you become resolute about this action, every time you think about it, you are on the way to solidifying a new habit.

The key is being resolute, and the second key is having the “want to”. You won’t be scared or feeble about the attempt if you are resolute! This means you are firm in your conviction. If you are firm your conviction, you are going to do this and whatever your bad habit is, you will have the trigger that will change the bad habit to a good habit.  Just figure out a trigger much like we did earlier. This new trigger will become the answer to your “want to” and the start of the development of your new good positive habits. Let me know in the comments how this goes for you because the bottom line is we don’t want three-month resolutions we want a whole new life habit.  

Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.

Resource:  Resource:  Breaking-the-Habit

Imagine a Society

Imagine a society where typical laws were replaced by laws of “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry”. In the new society, a person would have to use these in all appropriate situations.  If you take the time during the day and truly pay attention to how often these words are used, it might shock you.  If you look at the person who does receive this kind of attention, you see a glow that reflects the attention they just received.

If you were at the grocery store and someone helped you get a box off the shelf, would you say, “thank you”? If you needed that box, would you ask someone to “please” help you? If someone slipped on some water you spilled, would you say, “I’m sorry”?

There are so many situations during a day that these words can be used. It makes you wonder why they aren’t. Is it because people just don’t care or has society dismissed any civility? None of the words are hard to say and the impact that they can have on people is amazing.

The building block to society is communication. Having a peaceful society means you not only treat yourself well, but that you treat your neighbor well. These words have an effect of calming any discussion or interaction.

When you look someone in the eyes and genuinely say “thank you”, people feel appreciated, and a bond is created through eye contact. When you do the same with “please”, you show faith in your fellow man which generates respect. Lastly, when you genuinely say “I’m sorry” to someone, scars are healed, and relationships mended. Sometimes “I’m sorry” is not used because a person may think they will be perceived as weak. In truth, it shows a strength of communication that is vital.

A couple other laws that need to be enacted are “active listening” and “smiling”. Again, these actions shape the face of communication. If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone has a complaint, these two qualities are crucial. You resolve a complaint by allowing the person to discuss/explain their objection. During the dialogue, you’re smiling with intent to understand. Sometimes people just want to be heard and a grateful listener reduces the tension. What happens when they are finished? You say, “I’m sorry” and “thank you”! What a concept!

We have laws now concerning murder, domestic abuse, robbery, etc. These laws and their punishments are in place to try and decrease or eliminate the occurrences. We need to enact laws that encourage civil behavior such as someone not saying please, not using thank you, or not telling someone you’re sorry.

Imagine putting someone in jail for these offenses. It might look like this: “Sir, you are sentenced to a week in this grocery store to learn and demonstrate the norms of our society which include “please”, “thank you”, and “I’m sorry”. The unit around your wrist will record every time one of these is used. Please learn from this experience and thank you for your attention.”

This “incarceration” should be a learning experience that should have been developed since childhood.  Often, we are the product of our upbringing.  How your parents and/or peer group handled civility very often is the model you follow.  Be sure to be the model that genuinely enjoys interaction with others and delights in bringing a sincere smile to their face.

A civil society starts with civil communication. Imagine a society that is structured on respect and kindness.

Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.

Why Am I Here?

This is a question we all ask at one time or another. The big mystery is why we are on this planet and what we were put here for. What was the grand plan from the creator?

When we look around, we can see that certain people have definite purposes and we always seem to be struggling with our purpose. Some people spend their whole life trying to discover their purpose while others understand it at a very young age. I don’t think it matters when you find your purpose. Sometimes the creator has put you here without you even knowing why, which is frustrating for the individual, but it is part of God’s plan.

Take for example someone who doesn’t understand their purpose yet is very positive and enthusiastic every day. As that person goes through their day, they are watched by others whether they know it or not. That modeling they’re doing of their positivity and enthusiasm is contagious and rubs off on others. That just may be the purpose of that person. Sometimes we think that our purpose must be huge, or it must be something that will change the world, which, when you think about it, what really changes the world? It could be one large thing but all too often it is small and could be just one thing.

What can change another person’s life? What activity or what action changes their life? Is it something large or something small? A small thing may be smiling at someone as you walk down the mall or down the street. It may be giving someone a dollar because that’s all they need and that’s all they want. But it’s something that can change both your lives because it’s not the act of giving a dollar, it’s the act of simply giving.

When you think about why you’re here, think about words such as caring, love, and gratitude. These are the words that resonate with people, but, as society keep exercising their material wants, use of these words seems to be forgotten. When a person’s life does not include these words or words such as “please”, “thank you”, or “I’m sorry”, they can be regarded as egotistical or self-serving. If a person makes these words and feelings part of who they are, people are more drawn to them, and respect becomes automatic. As a giver of the words, a person shows their true humanity. As a receiver, a sense of self-worth washes over the person and a bond is developed.

When you’re thinking about who you are and why you’re here, think about the people you interact with, pass, or see during the day. Are they paying attention only to themselves or are they interacting with others? Interacting means talking, looking in another’s eyes, smiling, caring, and loving. You can go almost anywhere and see such a lack of these qualities. They can be very disturbing because all these qualities are what breathes life into us and makes us who we are and encourages us to want to continue our journey in life no matter what it is. When you interact with these types of qualities you are turning people’s lives around. You are making them understand that someone does care about them, even if it’s only looking them in the eye with a smile on your face. That can be something that drives a person for the next minute, or next hour. Modeling these activities reflects the qualities that will confirm the reason of why you’re here.

Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.

Developing Habits to Achieve a Goal

Have you ever had a New Year’s resolution to lose weight? Of course, you have; we all have. Whether it be a large amount of weight or just a few pounds, missing components in our plans are generally what derail our resolution.
Missing components are:
No plan
No “want to”
No trigger
No habits created

The Plan is the research that goes into how the weight will be lost. What will be the diet? What will each day’s activity look like? What exercises will be involved? What times will each of these occur?


A person who has no “want to” is someone who says to themselves, “I should lose weight” or “I want to lose ‘x’ number of pounds.”  A person who has the “want to” has a definitive mindset of “I am going to lose ‘x’ number of pounds” or “I am going to be down to ‘x’ by a certain date.” The “want to” is the establishment of a critical mental attitude that sets the mind on course.


A “trigger” is the key that unlocks the cause of why you are doing this. The trigger may be something like your doctor emphatically telling you to lose weight because of a serious health issue. Or it may be a decision you make regarding smoking that you need to quit because you don’t want to smoke around your children. Maybe they even said something about that habit. 
The trigger is very important as it is something that sits on your shoulder to remind you.


Lastly, habits are the routines that will help you stay on course. If you haven’t taken the time to think about and develop these habits, a routine will fall apart. This includes eliminating bad habits.  Habits are the automatic part of goal achievement and the part of the process that allows you to reach your goal. 

We all have many habits already, such as getting up in the morning, tying
our shoes, bathroom activities, eating meals and many others. We also may have many bad habits. The secret is to recognize the positive habits and the negative habits, then “tweak” them to make our goal(s) achievable. If we need to create a new habit, we can “attach” it to an already established good habit. For example, after I brush my teeth in the morning, I will do five push-ups. (Remember, you have to “want to” do the push-ups.) You can see that we “attached” the push-ups to the act of brushing our teeth.

A habit can be created for anything as long as it comprises a trigger, a “want to” and a reward.

Another key consideration in habit formation is the size of the habit. Sometimes trying to create a very large habit is very frustrating and if you lose the “want to,” you’ve lost the habit. Start small, very small. Maybe instead of doing five push ups after brushing your teeth, do two. The important thing to remember is to get the habit started and into your routine. I guarantee that as time goes by, the number of push ups will increase.

Take time to dwell on what you want and how you want to approach it. The chart will help you put your thoughts in order. Your “want to” will keep you on track and your reward(s) will help you look forward to the next event.

If you want to achieve goals on a more consistent basis, make habit creation (or deletion) a process that guides your journey.


Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.


Imagine a World….

I am so excited to discuss a new series I will be doing that will address many of the thoughts people have about issues that seem to trigger emotions in us or make us stop and ponder the reality of things.

It is an interesting time both nationally and internationally and how we get through this really depends upon us. We all have beliefs and attitudes that dictate who we are. How we share those beliefs and attitudes can also determine how we are perceived by others.

The values we hold dear personally are the ones that usually come through in good times and bad. Sometimes when our values are fragile, we move outside of ourselves and become someone we do not recognize. It is times like this that we need to hold strong to what we believe and, if we are not sure what we believe, we work to learn and better understand what we want and need. We also need to learn to discern what others want and need and how we can help them in that journey.

The title of this new series is “Imagine A World.” You can see that the keyword here, Imagine, means we are using our value system, our beliefs, and attitudes to weave into our imagination. That imagination in the world would make certain strengths universal and be good for all mankind.

Have you ever thought about a world without hate? How about a world where the main priority was looking out for your neighbor? In this politically charged environment, what would happen if people found common ground, if people listened to understand rather than talk to accuse or challenge? Is the world a place where loving someone is considered weak? Is it a place where being concerned for someone is a weakness?

This is a portion of the topics or questions that the new series will address. This series will be posted on YouTube and I will be anxious to see the comments that are generated from ideas that some may consider controversial and others perhaps just nod in agreement. I fully expect to get both sides and to read and listen to the rationale of each.

This series idea was generated from various events in conversations that have been ongoing. Being a Life Coach and a Christian, I walk an interesting line with people who may have different views and values than I do. One of the missing links is that we have not taken the time to reflect on the opinions of others or to take a step back and to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. So often we take our opinion and one way or another impose it on others without knowing their circumstances, needs, or desires.

My hope is that this series triggers some thought individually and between other people and that the conversation generated from it becomes a powerful tool for positive action.

The series will be located on YouTube at:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOTYakAJR0aMRmoIE9Bygyg?view_as=subscriber

There will be a new segment every week. Please take time to comment and add your thoughts. This forum can be a valuable tool in strengthening personal experiences, relationships, and the building of a caring society.

Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.

Sliding into Bliss

This is a story of no one in particular but everyone in general.  If you can imagine a dimension that is not defined, you are indeed special.  If you can draw from the depths of your unique individualism, you might gain understanding.  The story will not make sense to you and, indeed, perhaps it is not even a story.  Take off all the blinders and prepare to enter a space that will both enchant and scare you.  If you make it through this, you have a chance to break through a current reality and find another that is soothing and weightless. 

The grass in the meadow was a soft green and felt like foam under my feet.  It was a sensation of walking on air with no need of stability or senses.  In the grass I found that my awareness was keen to discovery and curiosity.  Of course, this discovery was not about walking on the grass but being in the grass.  My curiosity was where this was going to take me.  Journeys sometimes have no destinations but merely act as the path toward learning about one’s self.  I wasn’t in the mood for self-discovery, so what was happening?

Was I in the grass or was I in a blade of grass?  If there is a difference, I didn’t care as I was anxious to continue the journey.  Movement seemed effortless and the beauty took my breath away.  This environment seemed to be in me and I in it.  My mind raced to make sense of what was going on until I decided that it didn’t matter.  Since I had no choice of the circumstances, I would let the picture roll on without my input.  After all, being in the grass was a delight and the thought of what was to come did not concern me at all.

As a floating sensation seemed to be in order, so was the ability to launch into other environments.  The worldly crisis that was at hand didn’t cause any angst in this realm.  It was as though no current realities were in play and anything transpiring was simply new to the human experience.  Floating in a grass environment was not to be the culmination of my experience.  The new “reality” was just beginning, and I had an excitement of the next wonder to come. 

The sense of floating continued but it seemed that there was something surrounding me.  I was not fearful or had any anxiety.  The power of my environment was so peaceful and now I could hear some sounds.  They were all around me and it made me wonder where I had journeyed.  I thought of the water fountain in my backyard and realized that I was surrounded by water and the sounds were the beautiful rhythm of the droplets.  Somehow, I had become part of the cascading water that made up the calming sounds from the fountain.

So many times I had rested near the fountain just to hear the persistent droplets and all issues seemed to fade away.  Now I was part of the process and seemed to enjoy it even more.  I was the water that dropped from level to level and enjoyed the ride.  It was like being on a never-ending water slide.  Time seemed to slow down and although I was immersed in water, a feeling of peace was ever-present.

The joy of the water slide continued for an unknown period and it was wonderful.  The experience was slowing down now, and the sound of droplets seemed to be fading.  I was excited about the possibilities of what was next.  I didn’t seem to care about what would be next, which was strange because in another realm I always had to know what was coming.  It was the preparation that was necessary in my life but now I realized that always needing to prepare for the next experience limited my enjoyment of the current reality.

As the slide disappeared, I was transformed to floating again but this time it was on a slow-moving current that was taking me to an unknown destination.  This journey was taking on different aspects yet remained so tranquil that my thoughts were always of the best parts of my life.  The sounds of the river had replaced all the sounds of the fountain and were so calming that I didn’t even care where it was taking me. 

Connection to the earth and the dirt had always been part of the experience so far. As I progressed in my floating sensation, I realized the dirt aspect was replaced totally by water. It seemed to be taking me to places I had never been in a very serene and peaceful environment. I also had a sense of salt creeping into my nostrils. This must be the ocean. I was floating rapidly over the wide expanse and at times, dipping into the surf then rising above with no effort. My whole journey had sped up and it was wonderful. I had lost all perception of time and didn’t care whatsoever.

I seemed to be slowing down and really didn’t know what to expect. All I had been experiencing was the sound of water, surf, waves. Now I was hearing a melody that I didn’t recognize but it was extremely soothing and peaceful. I was moving slowly over the water with the wonderful music accompanying me on my journey. The music was something that I’d never heard before, but it seemed I never wanted to stop hearing it.

I sensed that I was nearing the end of my journey. My travels over the water, whether it be river, lake, ocean or whatever had been incredible. Now I was reaching a distant shore. Of course, I had no idea what distant shore this was but that didn’t seem to matter. As I neared the shore, the blue of the water faded into the color of a beach and then a light green vegetation that was just beyond sand dunes.  All the colors were incredibly sharp and vibrant. I didn’t know what to make of it all, yet it was starting to change again from the light green to the dark green, the color of grass.

All at once, the wide expanse of grass became much more detailed and I could see every blade. All at once I realized I was in my original blade of grass.  From the bottom of that blade I rose to the top and as I sprang out of the top, I realized what a magical blissful journey I had just been on. I also realized that I could take this journey anytime I wanted to.

Dare to take the time to really look at the next blade of grass that is in front of you. You just might slide into bliss.

 
Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.

The Wisdom of Curiosity

From the moment we are born, we are constantly learning new ideas and concepts. Most of these are ones that our parents have directed us toward. Most of the time we take these and accept them at face value and move on.

As we grow, the parent’s role (although still very influential) is replaced by peers, formal education, and media. We have these other influencers who are shaping our belief systems and molding our thoughts and actions. There is nothing wrong with this unless the influence is negative or takes us away from who we want to be.

The process of determining who we want to be involves all the above influencers plus an intrinsic knowledge, feeling or drive of who we are and what we are meant to do. This sense of being is not what you’re taught or shaped by others, but what you were born with in your spirit. The influencers can separate you from your spirit, but it never goes away.

Your spirit manifests itself constantly throughout your life and is regularly trying to show you the path to meaning, purpose and happiness. Even when we go off track, our spirit is there trying to bring you back to the path. These attempts are mysterious yet consistent and may reveal themselves in many ways. Have you ever had a “Deja vu” (the feeling that one has lived through the present situation before) moment? Have you ever had a strong feeling to turn a particular way when on a bike ride or driving in the car?

Being mindful of every situation causes regular revelations from your spirit and means that a course correction is needed or warranted. As we maneuver through our daily lives, mindfulness of that ”voice on our shoulder” is one to pay attention to. Will our reaction to each voice be positive? Evidence shows that our free will allows us to choose how, or if, we respond to each message. Our response will not always be right but the habit of listening to the spirit is being formed.

Curiosity is a wonderful trait to have.  Its means ”a strong desire to know or learn something.” This trait, when utilized, is asking the spirit to explain the ”why” of a situation. Or, it is challenging commonly held beliefs that opened the door to more, and perhaps enhanced, wisdom of who you are and your purpose.

Curiosity in itself is a path that the spirit is using to help you determine your journey. Remember, your journey has already had some structure ingrained through the sources already divined. So, curiosity is asking you to take the norm that you have currently and challenge it.

These norms are evident in your daily habits, political views, religious beliefs, relationships, and many more. What are the keys to knowing if these norms are right and consistent with your belief system?

I ask simple questions of myself pertaining to norms:

  • Does it make sense?
  • Does it make me happy?
  • Will it not hurt anyone?
  • Will it allow me to continue to develop?
  • Will it allow my mind to stay open to all possibilities?

Being curious about every aspect of your life is fun and rewarding. It challenges you to continue to grow. If you are set in your ways, how can you be open to new ideas or information?

Wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise. In essence, the quality of wisdom that promotes these is curiosity. The more curious you are, the more wisdom you will acquire. Therefore, become more curious. Be mindful of everything that is going on around you and the messages that are being generated through your spirit. Be a person who is always striving for more wisdom by creating habits that make listening to those mysterious signals an active part of your day.

Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.

Reality in Life

We all struggle with the idea of who we are, where we’re going and why we are here. It is important to understand that the reality of our life is what we make it.  Is it what will happen to us or is it the realization that we can determine where we’re going to go?  Of course, detours may happen along the way, but it is the self-determination that we focus on that guides us to our ultimate purpose.

We can talk about our system of belief, our philosophy of the purpose of life, our origins, our experiences, our upbringing or any of the other factors that may have determined who we are and where we’re going. These are all valid but, in the end, it is our environment today that determines our current reality infused with our attitude, positive or negative, that establishes who we are today and sets the stage for who we will be tomorrow.

If you look at yourself, are you someone who is progressing toward a destination that is satisfying?  Or, do you see yourself not making any progress in your life or slipping backwards? What is it about your reality that needs to change? What is it about your attitude that needs to change?  If you believe in self-determination, you need to figure out what the next step is going to be. If you don’t, you will wait and react to the next thing that happens to you. Is that really what you want to do, wait for something to happen to you?

No matter what your belief system is today, it can be different tomorrow. If you say, “I am so down in the ditch, there is no way my life can be different tomorrow,” you are not understanding how elevating your life can be when measured in the smallest of factors. What is important is the smallest bit of progress, measured by you, not the immediate complete change.  The transition can be instant or barely noticeable.  It is only you who fixates on the outcome.

What is important is change you are creating in your mind; you need to believe that the change is worthwhile and fixate on that notion. To transcend, you need to change your mind.  You need to change your mindset and change your attitude.  No one can do this for you.  Stepping up to face a life change means flipping the switch.  I say this from experience – smoking. For seventeen years I didn’t know what it took to stop. I tried hundreds of times.  Finally it got to the point where I had to flip the switch in my mind! Emphatically determine that I was going to quit smoking. I was not going to fall for the gratification that smoking gave me.  I was going to enjoy other gratifications that came along with not smoking.  All this was a mental process – not a time absorbing process, just an acceptance in the absolute belief that I no longer had to do this activity. It was just a decision that was made that finally clicked in my mind. The decision clicked and my mind’s switch was flipped, and I no longer had the urge to smoke.

All this may seem very easy, but it’s not.  I understand that. My point here is that your reality in life is what you make it. You need to get rid of the negative perceptions of your past and decide on the realities of your future. Let me say that one more time – get rid of the perceptions of your past and dwell on the realities of your future.

Please understand I’m here to help you.  I have an incredible will to help others flip the switch. Email me or call me anytime to help you get to where you want to be.

Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.

Learning to Speak

It is hard to speak to people when you have grown up introverted and the thought of carrying on a conversation is not pleasant. It is important to keep to oneself so this doesn’t happen. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being in my own company. These thoughts are what used to go through my mind as a youngster and still do, at times.

My family was very supportive and open throughout my younger years. The home was a secure and happy place. I don’t know what caused me to be introverted. My brother and sister didn’t seem to have the same affliction.  Sports was my activity of choice if I had to be out among people.

As I grew into my mid- to late teens, being introverted became more and more an issue. I’m not sure when but when I came to the realization that I had to come out of this in order to be “normal” and successful. This process was vital and I had to take steps to improve the situation.

The first thing I did was realize I had to change my perception of conversations up to this point, thoughts such as I don’t have anything to say, what I might say is not important, what if the person thinks it is stupid, I don’t want to do this. My self-talk around these thoughts had to change.

I had to learn that a conversation is between two or more people.  The other person consciously or unconsciously is having the same thoughts as I am. Their behaviors, like mine, will be dictated by the responses they receive.  For example, if I said the sky was blue and the other person thought it was red, doubt creeps in for them.  Understanding that the other person was going through the same emotions boosted my self-confidence.

The next thing was to realize that the interaction is just a conversation.  It is not an earth-shattering event or a world changing moment.  I did not need to make so much of it and just express myself and move on.

Next, I decided to prepare for conversations by being someone else.  This may seem a bit weird, but it worked. As I began or entered a conversation, I became someone whom I knew loved to talk, I kept this persona into the introduction and start of the conversation then reverted to myself.  I wonder if the other person ever noticed the change of energy.

Another change was to learn to enjoy the conversation.  Instead of dreading it, I was determined to try to learn something from each one.  This caused me to listen better and to look forward to speaking to someone.

From a career perspective I knew I had to be able to speak. I never took any communication classes or public speaking in school but knew I had to change my behavior. I decided early in business to become an entry level trainer.  This forced me to speak to people one-on-one and in groups. The key was that I knew the subject matter and they didn’t! This one concept served me well in my public speaking career.

In summary, all the points mentioned allowed me to break free of being an introvert.  It is still buried deep down but has had its time.  Learning to speak is all about self-confidence and knowing the environment around each conversation or presentation.  That environment can be controlled by you to enable yourself to be confident and enjoy the moment.  I can now totally choose which conversations to participate in rather than avoid all of them at any cost.  Go forth and speak boldly!! 😊

Please subscribe to learn more in the column to the right! We look forward to your comments on our blogs.